9/16/22 The Power of Resistance I had a profound experience in ceremony. My intention for this ceremony was to be One Light. And so it is!
I have been on my healing journey for 13 years, and I finally got to the place where I have undone the karmic ties within my family and the multiple lineages that are intertwined in this unconscious generational teachings of the dark.
This ceremony was a sassafras (heart), B caapi vine (body), and psilocybin mushrooms (spirit) experience. All of the souls who were there played out my childhood trauma perfectly, as I provided the remedies I need and they needed. In this space I got to equalize and supply the needs that were necessary in our separate traumatic experiences and collectively how they came together perfectly for this “undoing” process. How perfect is karma and karmic imprints!
Within my split selves, my CPTSD, adverse childhood experiences, and trust issues in God, myself and others were the root to the protective mechanisms of freeze and fawn. Due to the severity of my persistent reoccurring traumatic experiences, I have created a mental structure around constantly people-pleasing to keep the peace. I have turned myself into an impostor and took on my persecutors' energy and directed it towards myself. I have been doing this in many lifetimes, shifting different roles. I’ve been cutting myself off at the knees every time I made something good, because I had to match it with something bad.
Peace is what I am here to teach others with compassion. And I then started to take my gifts and turn them against myself, making myself doubt everything I do and everyone I meet. All of my conflicts have been from my ability to run and hide in my shell, to not be present to when and how to utilize my gifts to awaken inner peace for others. I was not appreciated or cherished for the insights and knowings I offered to those around me.
I realized why I had to grow up with a narcissist step-dad who killed himself from the very things I healed from (chronic depression and suicidal idealization). Why he wouldn’t share the truth of who my real father is/was. My biological dad died from a stroke 2 weeks after my step-dad killed himself. I found out by the hospital calling me to share he is in a vegetable state and were asking me to pull the plug. I haven’t met my real dad ever. I know of him and have seen pictures my mom shared with me, yet I've never spoken to him. So this experience was pretty interesting on how it showed up in my life. This is why I was raised without my bipolar mother and instead was replaced with a Machiavellian step-mom. I had to see the depths of the madness of narcissism, machiavellianism, and psychopathy that has been the same force creating wars and genocides throughout the world. De-spiriting and de-souling humanity has been making more beautiful souls to walk in life as empty vessels, concealing the radiant light of truth from shining through. Humanity is waking up through our individual undoings and collective undoings.
My entire life growing up I was raised in viciousness, diabolicalness, deceit, and I see why I didn’t have any boundaries at all. I see why when I would establish boundaries, they would violate them. And I now see “what it was all for” instead of “why is this happening to me?” And, this is where it gets crazy, because all of this happened for me to find inner peace. 100% willingness to be responsible for how I choose to apply my ability of choice to respond to what’s in front of me. This statement is NOT saying it was okay to have gone through what I went through. I am NOT saying that silver linings are something to admire or continue to cope with. I am NOT saying I must find the good in the bad. I’m sharing that I needed a silver lining to cope with the fact that what I went through is NOT OKAY. It was how I found protection in such instability of safety and security.
Finding good in the bad isn’t the only way to peace and isn’t even necessary to find peace. I’m grateful I have found peace, and reflecting back now, this was not okay and will never be okay to show up in my space in this way again. Turning the other cheek is finding forgiveness in this NOT OKAYness so I can find rest in my soul. So I may release myself from this karmic dance of being persecuted for shining my light and fulfilling my mission in love. Rest In Peace is for the living, not the dead.
As I continue resurrecting into the truth of who I am and shining my light without hesitation or doubt, I promise to be an awakening force to reckon with. Reconciliation is the path to peace, abundance, compassion, joy, everlasting love, and grace. It is our natural state of innocence and health.
Whatever I meet with compassion, will dissolve and restore power and glory to innocence. This is what I got to be so present to in my ceremony, and I know with certainty I now live a life without doubt. I know I am guided and protected and all of my relations will experience peace and prosperity. I know with certainty this to be true because as I remained lost, confused, scared, and alone for so so so long, I can confidently share with others how to find their way home because I have found my way home. Extremely grateful to be an eternal apprentice, a forever student of His way.
I am a compassionate, inspirational, playful, and radiant man! And I will always remember as I embody my intentions to be One Light. May all blessings and miracles return each person to their Oneness and Wholeness. And I commend you all for doing your work, being present to the discomfort, and getting messy so you can get clean and purified. Freedom is a choice. Prove it and then you can model it so others will see and learn to choose Freedom too. “The knowledge that illuminates not only sets you free, but also shows you clearly you are free.” -ACIM